As this is my first blog attempt I suppose introductions are in order........My name is Di, I live in Australia. I am a stay at home Mum with my beautiful amazing 1 year old daughter and wonderful boyfriend and I am just about to turn 29.
I suppose I wanted to start this as an attempt to clear the thoughts running through my head, they say by writing things down in diary, clarity in the mind is easier to achieve. I am hoping this is correct.
I don't even really have anything that interesting to say, I suppose I will mainly be writing about my day to day life and whatever topic is running through my mind at that moment.
I am exhausted and confused today, sleep is something most people take for granted as it usually comes easy, but that has not always been the case for me. I seem to have periods in my life where sleep is not easy to come by, I lie down in bed and if I miss the "sleep train" (as I like to call it) for whatever reason I start to panic! Last night I missed it because my partner fell asleep first and snored the house down.......I swear that boy snores when he is still lying there awake! One time when he was snoring loudly I whispered to myself "for fuck sake" and as if he had never been asleep he replied "what did you say", I could have killed him!!!
I suppose my sleep issues can't really be blamed just on my boyfriends snoring as there have been many times I have fallen straight to sleep next to his loudly snoring ass and it has not bothered me, but if something is on my mind causing me to stay awake the snoring is just adding to my problem. If I am having an especially bad night, sleeping tablets will not even do the trick! I just try to remind myself that the worse thing that will happen is that I will be tired the next day, sounds easy enough to change my thought pattern but logical thinking in the middle of the night is practically non existent.
Some friends say "You are a stay at home Mum with nothing to do the next day, who cares what time you fall asleep". This seems like an unfair statement to me as having a one year old is not always a walk in the park! I can't just get up in the morning and do things at my own leisure when there is nappy changing, feeding etc etc to be done. My daughter does not run on my routine........I run on hers, any Mother would feel that way. It's pretty obvious my friends are childless although I know they mean well and just want me to have a rest full nights sleep.
Any sleep issue I have of a night is not determined by what I have on the next day or if I have to be up early. It comes from what is happening in my life at the time and I suppose at this time in my life I am seeing a lot of hardships and mental instability from those around me. I learnt at work that this is known as vicarious trauma, when I witness loved ones suffering I feel an overwhelming responsibility to help them, and it's almost as if I try to take on feeling their pain. As I feel like my life is in pretty much good order give or take a few issues, this is the best conclusion I can come up with as to why I would be losing sleep. I could also be completely off the mark and it has nothing to do with anything except my boyfriends snoring but I like to explore options and read into things.
Enough from me today, I hope whoever reads this enjoyed, I will defiantly be blogging again soon.
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